Argument Essay First Draft

Victoria Vitale

N. Bhandari

English Composition 1030

20 November, 2018  

                Double the Parents = Double The Success?

For many years, growing up in a single-parent family has been a foreign idea to most. However, it is not just a concept, but it is also extremely prevalent. In today’s society, many children have grown up to become emotionally stable and successful whether they have had one or two parents to show them the rocky path that life bestows upon all human beings. The problem lies in the difference of children raised by single parents versus children raised by both a mother and a father (or two parents in general). This problem tends to raise a commonly asked question regarding single-parent families; Does a child need two parents? What a lot of people seem to look over is the fact that properly raising a child does not solely rely on family structure, but is more dependent on the parenting process or values that are taught to these children as they mature. Children of single parents can be just as progressive with emotional, social and behavioral skills as children with “stronger” family structures. This is due to the fact that children don’t most benefit from the number of parents they have, rather what they make of what their parent(s) teach them, how much they are given and how effective these given things are.

People claim that the only way for children to achieve great behavioral and emotional skills is to be raised by two parents. A problem such as this one has too many variables to directly associate the problem with a single variable (such as strength of family structure). Robert L. Maginnis states in, “Single-Parent Families Cause Juvenile Crime”, “Children from single-parent families are more likely to have behavior problems because they tend to lack economic security and adequate time with parents” (Maginnis, Robert. “Single Parent Struggle”). Stating that single-parent adolescence creates an excess of pure criminals is absurd. What Maginnis fails to comprehend is the difficulty of raising the child as a single parent. For starters,  a single-parent must work full time to be able to pay the bills and provide for themselves and also their child; sometimes they even have to work two jobs to financially provide for their child due to lack of help from a spouse. At the same time, they must also find time to provide emotional support and spend time with their kid. Some other examples of this sort of bias is represented through kid’s grades and other relationships. According to Dr. Bella DePaulo, studies were done on grades between kids with two parents and kids with a single parent and states, “What mattered was NOT how many parents there were, or whether the parents were biologically related to the children”. Instead, what determines a child’s success is their determination and as much support from their parent(s) (DePaulo, Bella. Single Parents and Their Children).  A child with one parent is just as capable as receiving the same amount of support than those with two parents; it’s all about the quality of parenting, not the quantity.

Another factor that must be taken into account is the density of single-parent families in our modern society. Since 1995,  the United States Census shows that out of children from ages 14-18, 42% live in a first marriage family with two parents, 22%  live in a second marriage step-family, 21% live in a single parent, divorced or separated family, 6% live in a single parent never married family and 3% live in a single parent widowed family (Kreider, Rose. “Adopted Children and Stepchildren: 2010). These are horrifying statistics as they show that 58% of children in America are living in a single parent family. This percentage is frightening because it shows how little faith is put into a relationship or marriage before deciding to have children. Unfortunately, not ALL single-parents take out time in their day to properly raise their children. However, at the same time, not all married parents take time out in their day to properly raise their children either. Parents who thought they wouldn’t ever be able to provide emotional or financial stability for their children by themselves should have taken the time to think through what parenting alone would entail, as it is extremely unfair to the poor child who ends up having to suffer. Accidents do happen once in awhile, however, in most cases, the to-be parents  know what’s at stake when settling to have children. Simply, if you’re not ready, then wait until you are. There are countless ways to enhance the life of your child if you simply learn to love and care for him/her and provide them with the proper morals and support.

Many will argue that a child with one parent will undergo greater mental illness, financial, and academic problems than those with two parents. According to Yulia Vangorodska, adolescents from single parent families were found to be three times more likely to be depressed than those living with two parents. For those with single mothers, nearly 70% of single parent mothers live in poverty and earn less than $13,000 annually. They have a tough time providing for their families because they usually have lower paying jobs. Due to these economic hardships, the children suffer by facing lower education levels and may have a harder time getting accepted to certain colleges.  For those with single fathers, however, there is less communication and nurture provided to their children. (Vangorodska – “How Single Parent Households Affect Children”).

I myself am a victim of a torn apart family as my parents underwent a divorce as well. Therefore, I understand what it’s like to be parented by two parents as well as one at a time. It is a very significant change; my household situation, my family’s financial situation, separate holidays, etc. Although it took an emotional toll on me at first, I was eventually able to get through it and accept the change. My GPA remained a 4.0, I played on my school soccer team, I never drank or did drugs, and I got my high school diploma. You see, a family dynamic with only one parent doesn’t put the child at a behavioral or academic disadvantage. I happened to be lucky enough to still get to attain the support from both my mother and father figure even though it is separate, and in a way, it changed who I am as a person today. This was possible because both of my parents have very different outlooks on life and they each have taught me different life lessons, using their own values to guide me through life.

Today, 25% of  American children will spend some time of their childhood  in a step-family (The Stepfamily Foundation.“Stepfamily Statistics”). Single parents tend to find ease in remarrying because they feel like they have a chance to start over in a new relationship and receive aid from their new partner both financially and emotionally. However, a step-parent can cause confusion and internal conflict with a child since it requires them to constantly adjust. From having only one parent to now having to a new parental figure, it can be emotionally stressful. Another result of bringing a new parent into a single family is the introduction of stress and annoyance from step-siblings. It may not be justified for a step-parent to discipline their step-child as if he/she was their own. As long as both parents understand that their family comes first and the importance of  communication between themselves and the children, a step-family can survive and thrive.

Children who are raised with both a mother and a father (or two parents) get more attention from both parents and therefore get the required emotional time they need. This tends to be true,  but not in all cases. It isn’t beneficial to grow up in a two parent family that does nothing but argue and destroy each other mentally. Naturally, a child who lives with this from a young age to when they’re ready to be released into the world would demonstrate what they saw since childhood. Behavioral patterns from a child’s household can make the same transition when it comes to real life problems, because they don’t know any better. Children who are raised by a single parent, who devotes their heart and soul into their child, benefit much more than a child who has two parents who demonstrate poor values.

However, a single parent household can actually enhance the child’s behavior, making them more mature and responsible for when they need to face real world problems. According to Modernmom, single parent households teaches independence and responsibility to children. Because single parents are already so busy, children should be encouraged to be like the member of a team and learn to do some things by themselves. Feeling part of a team helps children consider others, establish a good work ethic, and improve self-esteem and self-worth (Modernmom – “Advantages and Disadvantages for Children in A Single-Parent Family”).

Not all families are lucky enough to have a healthy and strong backbone. It is vital that society and the government notices these differences and takes immediate action. The government can fund programs to assist single-parent families with their childcare and finances. Whether it’s a mother and a father, a single mother, or a single father, or two mothers, or two fathers, guidance is a necessity for children. Children are products of the values they are taught from their parental figures starting from a young age. Children are also heavily affected by the amount of love and compassion that is put into them throughout their life. Whichever family structure is implied, it must be filled with a plethora of respect and strong moral values that they can pass on to their family and last forever.